Monday, 7 December 2009


The most useful thing about having a lazy eye is that when someone at a party is like, "you have beautiful eyes," you can be like, that is objectively false and now I have to go because that's the tell that you're trying to get in my pants. This is especially telling when you've already made many, many awkward attempts to desexualize the conversation:

"You have such thick hair."
"I think it's actually just windy outside."

"I love that shirt on you."
"Oh. Blue is the only color that makes my skin look normal."

"You're so skinny - what size are your jeans?"
"Meh, I bought them abroad. I don't think they have a size."

I'm lucky that I'm dating David because I just realized that I'm kind of a bitch at parties.

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