R: "I was just watching MST3K before coming downstairs."
D: "Which episode was it?"
R: "'The Robot Versus the Aztec Mummy.'"
D: "Samuel Huntington would love that."
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Monday, 16 February 2009
Why Soup O'Clock is Like But Not Really Like the View
J: "I don't eat mushrooms because they're slimy."
M: "But they're not slimy."
J: "Fine, because they eat other things. I don't eat carnivores."
R: "Pigs are carnivores."
E: "I think pigs are omnivores."
J: "I don't want my food to be eating other animals."
E: "You just don't like scavengers."
R: "No vultures?"
M: "No Tyrannosaurus Rex?"
R: "No zombies?"
J: "No."
R: "...that seems fair."
M: "But they're not slimy."
J: "Fine, because they eat other things. I don't eat carnivores."
R: "Pigs are carnivores."
E: "I think pigs are omnivores."
J: "I don't want my food to be eating other animals."
E: "You just don't like scavengers."
R: "No vultures?"
M: "No Tyrannosaurus Rex?"
R: "No zombies?"
J: "No."
R: "...that seems fair."
Sunday, 15 February 2009
Thanks, Minnesota!
Having MPR suddenly play Daft Punk's "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" for no apparent reason is about the most uplifting thing that can possibly happen to a person during an all-nighter.
EDIT: Except having the Butchies immediately afterwards. I'm only 50% sure this is actually happening and that I didn't fall asleep and dream this.
EDIT, AGAIN: I say this now, but everyone's favorite lesbian drama will be leaking onto the internet around 3am, and there's also something energizing about powering through for mangoes and vanilla yogurt with Jennifer Beals.
EDIT: Except having the Butchies immediately afterwards. I'm only 50% sure this is actually happening and that I didn't fall asleep and dream this.
EDIT, AGAIN: I say this now, but everyone's favorite lesbian drama will be leaking onto the internet around 3am, and there's also something energizing about powering through for mangoes and vanilla yogurt with Jennifer Beals.
Saturday, 14 February 2009
25 Things
I refuse to post these on Facebook and I'm thesising all day, so this is my fake post for today.
1. To date, my proudest accomplishment is still taking 10th place at the Cass County Spelling Bee in sixth grade.
2. I think I’m a mean person. I have to leave the room when people fall down the stairs because I can’t stop laughing and it’s rude.
3. I’m terrified of pigeons and bats. Once, a bat cornered me in a bathroom for a full fifteen minutes and I tried climbing out of the window. We were on the third floor.
4. Alanis Morissette’s “21 Things I Want in a Lover” pretty much exactly describes the 21 things I want in a lover.
5. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I accidentally rhyme.
6. The three worst moments of my life were: 1) when I got into a car accident and sort of trapped a baby in the back of a sedan, 2) when I was mugged twice by the same person, and 3) when I accidentally stabbed Megan Walker in the hand during our Halloween party in second grade and she had to be rushed to the emergency room for stitches. She couldn’t stop crying and was dressed like a clown, and that somehow made it so much worse.
7. I'm still really close with my best friends from junior high and high school, although I’m awful about keeping in touch with the people I care about. I hate talking on the phone and using Skype and don’t answer emails promptly, which may have something to do with this.
8. All of my proudest accomplishments were the direct result of someone else’s low expectations. I applied to Harvard to spite my dermatologist, who told me that I should try for something more realistic.
9. One of my weekly rituals is doing the New York Times crossword on the elliptical on Sundays, and I get irrationally upset when I don’t have time to do it.
10. Once, my ex-boyfriend and I made out in a stairwell in front of Antonin Scalia.
11. I’m so worried about not being able to do everything well that I don’t end up doing anything particularly well.
12. I kind of fetishize domesticity, even though I know this is wrong. I show affection by cooking breakfast for people, and one of my goals in life is to be featured in Vows. I usually don’t share this with strangers, or anyone who I want to take me seriously.
13. I’ve always been a really picky eater, and I still don’t like most cheeses, mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, or condiments of any kind, oil, cream, any salad dressings, or soda. I’ve learned to like oatmeal, eggs, raspberries and blueberries, sweet potatoes, and pasta, but only in the past couple years.
14. I’ve never read anything by Judith Butler in its entirety.
15. I took third place in the girls’ 400 meter relay in fifth grade. It’s a long story.
16. I get along really well with my parents, and I think they’re two of the best people I know. I didn’t realize this was weird until I left for college.
17. In college, I always wanted to be a part-time go-go dancer, but I think I channeled that exhibitionism into blogging. Blogging is like stripping for people with laptops and skinny legs.
18. I’m blind in my left eye, except I can never be called “Left Eye” because the rapper beat me to it and then she died, and now it would be weird.
19. I miss Atomic and Diesel and Hi-Rise more than I miss most people.
20. Every time I see a story about a celebrity in rehab or prison, I think to myself that if I became their best friend, I could probably get their life back on track. I get this savior complex from my mother.
21. My most-watched movie is Bring It On, which I’ve seen over fifty times. It’s not even my favorite movie, but there was a month where Brady and I watched it every day. Sometimes three or four times. I try not to quote the movie, because one of my worst qualities is that I quote lines from movies and TV shows that are really painfully unfunny when you try to explain them to people.
22. I can’t learn languages to save my life, which is a pretty unfortunate quality in someone who wants to do transnational human rights work when they grow up.
23. When I was sixteen, I was the assistant stage manager for a local production of “No Sex Please, We’re British.” I developed a knack for fixing a cowgirl skirt with “Ride ‘Em” emblazoned in lights on the back and a bra with spinning maces on each nipple using duct tape and extra batteries.
24. When I was little, I wanted to grow up to be like Mary Richards on the Mary Tyler Moore Show.
25. I still do.
1. To date, my proudest accomplishment is still taking 10th place at the Cass County Spelling Bee in sixth grade.
2. I think I’m a mean person. I have to leave the room when people fall down the stairs because I can’t stop laughing and it’s rude.
3. I’m terrified of pigeons and bats. Once, a bat cornered me in a bathroom for a full fifteen minutes and I tried climbing out of the window. We were on the third floor.
4. Alanis Morissette’s “21 Things I Want in a Lover” pretty much exactly describes the 21 things I want in a lover.
5. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I accidentally rhyme.
6. The three worst moments of my life were: 1) when I got into a car accident and sort of trapped a baby in the back of a sedan, 2) when I was mugged twice by the same person, and 3) when I accidentally stabbed Megan Walker in the hand during our Halloween party in second grade and she had to be rushed to the emergency room for stitches. She couldn’t stop crying and was dressed like a clown, and that somehow made it so much worse.
7. I'm still really close with my best friends from junior high and high school, although I’m awful about keeping in touch with the people I care about. I hate talking on the phone and using Skype and don’t answer emails promptly, which may have something to do with this.
8. All of my proudest accomplishments were the direct result of someone else’s low expectations. I applied to Harvard to spite my dermatologist, who told me that I should try for something more realistic.
9. One of my weekly rituals is doing the New York Times crossword on the elliptical on Sundays, and I get irrationally upset when I don’t have time to do it.
10. Once, my ex-boyfriend and I made out in a stairwell in front of Antonin Scalia.
11. I’m so worried about not being able to do everything well that I don’t end up doing anything particularly well.
12. I kind of fetishize domesticity, even though I know this is wrong. I show affection by cooking breakfast for people, and one of my goals in life is to be featured in Vows. I usually don’t share this with strangers, or anyone who I want to take me seriously.
13. I’ve always been a really picky eater, and I still don’t like most cheeses, mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, or condiments of any kind, oil, cream, any salad dressings, or soda. I’ve learned to like oatmeal, eggs, raspberries and blueberries, sweet potatoes, and pasta, but only in the past couple years.
14. I’ve never read anything by Judith Butler in its entirety.
15. I took third place in the girls’ 400 meter relay in fifth grade. It’s a long story.
16. I get along really well with my parents, and I think they’re two of the best people I know. I didn’t realize this was weird until I left for college.
17. In college, I always wanted to be a part-time go-go dancer, but I think I channeled that exhibitionism into blogging. Blogging is like stripping for people with laptops and skinny legs.
18. I’m blind in my left eye, except I can never be called “Left Eye” because the rapper beat me to it and then she died, and now it would be weird.
19. I miss Atomic and Diesel and Hi-Rise more than I miss most people.
20. Every time I see a story about a celebrity in rehab or prison, I think to myself that if I became their best friend, I could probably get their life back on track. I get this savior complex from my mother.
21. My most-watched movie is Bring It On, which I’ve seen over fifty times. It’s not even my favorite movie, but there was a month where Brady and I watched it every day. Sometimes three or four times. I try not to quote the movie, because one of my worst qualities is that I quote lines from movies and TV shows that are really painfully unfunny when you try to explain them to people.
22. I can’t learn languages to save my life, which is a pretty unfortunate quality in someone who wants to do transnational human rights work when they grow up.
23. When I was sixteen, I was the assistant stage manager for a local production of “No Sex Please, We’re British.” I developed a knack for fixing a cowgirl skirt with “Ride ‘Em” emblazoned in lights on the back and a bra with spinning maces on each nipple using duct tape and extra batteries.
24. When I was little, I wanted to grow up to be like Mary Richards on the Mary Tyler Moore Show.
25. I still do.
Friday, 13 February 2009
Epic Fail.
I'm so fragile right now, it's not even funny. I totally didn't write 1000 words yesterday, so I intended to write 2000 words today but only made it through my usual 1000 and in the meantime, my pile of books has expanded like the Blob so that it covers the floor and most of the flat surfaces in my room. I did emerge from staring at my computer screen long enough to go reheat a bunch of stir-fried lentils, vegetables, feta, and soy-based chicken this afternoon, and as I zoned out by the microwave a piece of pseudochicken exploded about a foot from my face and blew lentils all over the inside of the microwave and I ducked and almost started to cry.
And now I'm going to go to dinner, and I'm going to embarrass myself because when people are like, so, what's new with you, basically all I have to offer in return is, "I'm worried that my view of globalization is Eurocentric," and "I found out today that it takes about two minutes and fifteen seconds for soy-based chicken to detonate at 800 watts." And then people will politely nod and scoot down the benches and then an Awkward Radius will develop around me.
And now I'm going to go to dinner, and I'm going to embarrass myself because when people are like, so, what's new with you, basically all I have to offer in return is, "I'm worried that my view of globalization is Eurocentric," and "I found out today that it takes about two minutes and fifteen seconds for soy-based chicken to detonate at 800 watts." And then people will politely nod and scoot down the benches and then an Awkward Radius will develop around me.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
This is For You, Roberto Retamar
In the interest of intellectual self-flagellation, I'm going to see "The Tempest" the weekend that I turn in the first rough draft of my thesis. I've pencilled in a nervous breakdown about imperialism and the ethnographic project for March 5th.
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Silver Linings
So the presentation was a disaster, but not an unqualified disaster. It was a qualified disaster.
For instance:
1. It is over.
2. By putting it together in terrible-looking slides, I think I figured out my argument.
3. The commentary from the audience was really constructive and helpful.
4. Afterwards, Brian brought us cookies.
These are obviously not ranked in order of importance.
For instance:
1. It is over.
2. By putting it together in terrible-looking slides, I think I figured out my argument.
3. The commentary from the audience was really constructive and helpful.
4. Afterwards, Brian brought us cookies.
These are obviously not ranked in order of importance.
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