Why Grad Students Shouldn't Be Allowed to Hook Up

"A year ago, I had that disastrous hookup with the first of the Dans."
"Which one was the first one?"
"I can't remember his last name."
"Cruickshank?"
"No, pretty sure it wasn't Cruickshank."
"Panopticon?"
"Panopticon?"
"Well, it was something between Cruickshank and Panopticon."