Tuesday, 28 April 2009

In Which I Don't Deal Well With (The) Change

I'm suffering from acute five year plan anxiety syndrome (AFYPAS), which is a seasonal disorder that I basically get every March and April where I freak out about where I'll be spending my summer/following year/life. I'm kind of stuck until I hear from different host organizations where I might be able to do my DPhil, and very stuck until I actually find out if I get high enough marks on my thesis to continue onto the DPhil at all. This happens at the end of June, which means that I'm (predictably) alternating between a kind of "things will work out in the end" attitude and just cold freaking out and throwing myself into workaholic mode. Earlier today, I was like, "well, maybe the swine flu will kill everyone and it's not worth worrying too much until the bodies are cleared," and then I flipped out for no apparent reason and just spent two hours alternately blasting out shamefully needy emails and staring blankly at my computer screen. AFYPAS is a lot like annual menopause.

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